Oh, wait! There's more.

I realize that I should probably explain my title a little more. I am unfocused. I cannot decide whether to write a journal, a blog, a book, a movie or a poem. I cannot decide whether to honest or exaggerate in my words here in this blog right now. Therefore I am going to try it all at once. I am going to leave notes, random ideas, and whether I am profound or earnest or honest. I will be me. To that I am committed. Since I could not nail-down my theme I decided to combine two attributes that I believe I struggle to embody simultaneously earnestness and honesty--hence earnesty.

I have been thinking about my love for my friends, my tendency to procrastinate or spontaneously go see a movie alone and my neuroses. The reason I was thinking about them was that they are incompatible, and their incompatibility contributes to my intense need to connect with others on lonely nights. I immediately saw a chance for comedy.

I imagined a guy sitting in a theater alone with food, an iPod and a book. An old girlfriend approaches him joined by a date.
Girl: Steve! Hi, how are you?
Steve: Huh? Oh, I'm fine. (Steve only looks up briefly before returning to his book)
Girl: What are you up to?
Steve: Uh, I'm reading a book, and I'm waiting for the movie to start. (Steve looks annoyed by what seems to him such an obvious question. Girl seems slightly offended, but tries to maintain civility)
Girl: Did you finish school? I haven't heard anything about you.
Steve: Well, we didn't really have any mutual friends. Unless you're stalking me online I don't know how you'd hear anything. I'm not making any headlines.
Girl: O.K...well, are you here alone?
Steve: Well, I was...
Girl: Do you mind if we sit here? (Steve suddenly snaps to attention. He looks around confusedly)
Steve: What do you mean? Aren't you on a date or something? You guys don't exactly look like cousins or anything. (Girl looks embarrassed now. She rubs the back of her neck nervously and does that looking around with her head facing down thing)
Girl: Of course we are. I was just trying to be nice. I mean, you're at a movie...by yourself!
Steve: Look, I see a lot of movies. What kind of asshole would I be if I made my fiancee go to three movies a week?! (Steve makes a really exasperated expression now.)
(Confidence returns to Girl's face briefly and she smiles. Then she looks surprised.)
Girl: Fiancee? You're engaged? Is it happening soon? I mean, when is the wedding?
(Steve's attention has returned to his book.)
Steve: Tuesday. (Steve doesn't even look up as he says this) Listen, I don't need anyone to sit with me. I'm O.K. watching a movie on my own.
Girl: Do you really see three a week?
Steve: Uh, yeah. Something like that. I'm not on a fucking schedule or anything. I just have this thing. It's kind of like a compulsion or addiction, except other people just don't understand...(Steve looks up from his book as if he is thinking to himself) No, it's exactly like an addiction. Except, I don't have to do it. I mean I could stop. I just don't want to. (This time Steve actually looks a little self-conscious, but he quickly disregards it and returns to his book)
Steve: Look, I'm kind of busy. Could you just find some place to sit. I hate running into people in movie theatres. They always want to treat me like some damn charity case. Like I only came alone because I'm lonely. Whatever (Steve returns to his book. Girl looks embarrassed. She stiffens her top lip over her lower.
Girl: Oooo.K. (Girl grabs boys hand and pulls him past Steve and up the stairs. Girl's date looks a little amused. He has a small smirk on his face and goes rather limp as Girl pulls on his arm. Steve continues reading his book)